Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
