Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
