I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
