Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
