Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
