I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
