We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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