we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
