It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
