He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
