And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
