I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
