drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
