Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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