trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
