You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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