watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
