You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
