hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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