pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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