so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
