after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
