So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
