i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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