my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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