my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
