Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When are your genitals available?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
