I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
