from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
