Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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