I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
