i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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