We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
