farters have to be the big spoon...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
no you cant smoke seaweed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
