Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
