FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
