I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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