oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
