i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
