Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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