We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
