I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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