Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
