remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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