New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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