she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
