What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy sore nipples Batman
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
