it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
