I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
