meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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